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’ and I go, ‘Yes — but I like danger.'” Then the romantic evening takes a turn for the ludicrous.

“We come outside and we see my car’s on fire,” Jake continues.

She doesn’t want to read a boring list of adjectives.

So don’t tell her that you’re adventurous, loyal, fun, and curious about the world.

Right now, I’m yachting my way across the Caribbean, stealing top-secret information, and sipping martinis… Message me for more straight talk, and I’ll send you FB links, photos of science fair trophies, and much MUCH more…”Surfer. It’s been marketed as a “woman-friendly” alternative to Tinder, so you definitely want to keep your profile classy to be successful on this app.

I enjoy [activity] with my friends or watching [popular television show or movie] on my own. Of course, writing a funny and attractive dating profile is no easy task.

I’m here to [hedge and say you want to meet new people], and I’d love to [flirtatious invitation].” C’mon, guys, you’re more than the sum of your Netflix queue! To give you some idea of how it’s done — and how it should never ever be done — we’ve compiled the 13 all-time funniest dating profiles out there.

Well, we actually track their performance while sending openers, handling the back-and-forth messages and even setting up dates for our clients! )There are 100s of online dating sites and apps out there, but what reels in the ladies on Tinder can torpedo your chances on Bumble.

So we’re not only giving you incredible profile examples you can use, we’re also telling you which dating site or app they work best on.

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“My next dog is going to have a big tongue.” My girlfriend’s little beagle was enthusiastically licking her hand when she said it. Alcohol always makes Bonnie more uninhibited, but even so, I was a little shocked at what she had said. “I hear peanut butter works well,” I offered, dropping all pretense of not understanding what she meant. Bonnie frequently made risqué comments when she drank. I think shocking me and keeping me guessing was part of the enjoyment she got out of it. She had two teenage sons living at home, but that didn’t keep her from sucking my cock in every room of the house even when they might be coming home at any time. One dark night I suggested fucking on a chair on her outside deck. The next time I came over she had put the chair back in the same position on the deck and took me out to show it to me – only it was the middle of the day! On the Internet I had seen an occasional picture of a woman getting fucked by a dog, so now I started a concentrated search.

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Mar 6, 2013 Please, that is what they have conference rooms for Mr Suits, if 6 of you are going to come and chat and clog up the entry way into our booth, when someone needs to get out to meet her public, I know sex sells, but really.

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It can be a lot more fun that dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart.